i'm having a blast. it's a bit rough, working full time and going to school; the days are long and i'm not sued to being on full time, from 8am until 10pm, every day. i think that working out in the morning is helping; the hour or so on the exercise bike plus the 10-15 minutes or so of weights actually gives me energy, makes me feel wired for a couple of hours, until the crash comes.

bar night was awesome. first year night program law students have all the ame kids in all the samer classes, and it's nice to talk a bit outside of class, to argue about english revolutions or chitchat avbout where we came from and wehere we are going, asnd drinking always makes it easier to talk with semi0strangers, especially semistrangers who you see everyday buyt know nothing about.

that said, tonights bar was loud and annoying.

i hate civpro. the reading is deathly boring and i think i'll hjave to struggle to e able to pass the final. that said, the prof is energized and excited and happ to be teaching it, which is a definite plus; and he's funny, which keeps me engaged, at least.

i'm nervous about work: i meet with new manager for hte first time tomorrow nad i'll probably be hungover. it's not so abd, because i've worked with him for motnhs, and m primary energy is on his projecgt, bit .... it's scaruy, c hanging managers, when i cant make work my primary exlcusivefocus like i ususall can.

grin

i'm drunk, so what i say should be taken with a grain fo salt, but ... fuck, i'm glad to be alive, and doign somethign new, and sharing the world with people i respect and enjoy being with and ... yeah.

i'm thrilled with my class. i was afraid that it woudl be abunch of dumb  peopel, but is isnt'; it's particularly awesome to be aroudn people who are broadly interested in similar things to me an d smart. i've been around smart people before, but hte combination is new; it's energizing, and fulfilling, somehow.

it's also intimidating: i'm competing with these people, right? all grades are on a curve, so them being good kinda hurts me ... but i don't feel it. i sit in class, and am prepared, and usually am understanding as much as they are, but when someone says something insightful, it's beautiful; what can be better than learning from teh ideas of other people?

i didn't have anywhere near this much fun as an undergraduate; i was too worried about social shit ... which i'm better at now, ironically.

but i'm al ittle concerned.

i've read and heard all these awful thingds about law school, abotu professors being assholes and classmates beign competivie shitheads ... and i haven't seen it yet, and i'm wondering, does it come tomororw? will my happy upbeat world turn sour and nasty overnight?

i don't think so, but ... i'm afraid.

fear is th emind-killer.

and yet ... perhaps it comes from exercising every day, but ... my fears are bullshit, demons which hazunt me but which have no usbstance, and i'm proud to say "fuck you" to them.

and this is really the first time in my life i've ever been able to do that.

which is empoering. and ... amazing. i dont understand how i got here. biut i'm surely not going to complain. :)

on another subject entirely: tjank you for being part of my tribe. i love you all (or, at least, most of you), and wish i knew you better. :)